diputs

Today, I think I’m really stupid. No, not just today, maybe my whole life. I keep on making stupid things that I don’t know anymore if I did one thing that isn’t stupid.

Today, I think I’m really, really stupid because I made a stupid thing again and that is, I hurt somebody I care. She’s not only somebody; she is someone that’s dear in my heart. I don’t know what to do to make up but I do hope that I won’t make anymore stupid things the rest of today that would aggravate the hurt I’ve already done.

Today, I will like to say sorry to her, just to let her know that I feel remorse inside me for doing such a stupid thing. I just wish that it’s not that stupid but then again, I’m stupid so I guess I did a stupid thing after all.

never be mine

Maybe I am a fool for feeling this thing
Maybe I’m just stupid about this kind of stuff

But then I ask myself….

Why do I feel happy and excited….
Whenever you are around?
Whenever you smile to me?
Whenever you look my way?
Whenever you talk to me?

But then again I ask myself….

Why do I feel this way for you?
Why am I starting to care for you?
Why am I beginning to fall in love to you?
Why does it have to be you?

Maybe I’m really a fool
Maybe I’m really stupid

Because I’m falling to someone who can….

…… never be mine.

r.f.s.

What will I do now?
I don’t even know where you are…

How can I tell you?
All that I feel inside for you,
all that I kept all these times…

If only I made the right move
maybe then I won’t be at lost.

But for now I’m not sure
because until then when the time
comes for me to resolve all,
I will never know what to do.

r.f.s.//dcny21//9.22.99

Misery

Sometimes you find yourself
Amid the confusion of everything
When all seems too vague to comprehend
When all seems too difficult to take.

You try to find the meaning of it
You try to find the words to define
Just to make out what seems to be
A semblance of clarity and innocence.

When all seems to fall down
When all seems to fail
You try as much not to breakdown
You try as much to be strong.

But sometimes it gets hard
And you find yourself in a dark corner
Your head tucked between your legs
Arms around and you watch tears flow......

....... down beneath the earth of misery.

misery//dcny21//june1999

Void

I feel an empty void inside of me
A space that I somehow need to fill
I don’t know where to find
I don’t know where to look
I don’t know what I could do
I don’t know what I could think
But the only thing I feel
Is that the empty void is always
Filled by my emptiness…

void/dcny21/6.17.99